Perspektief

 

September merk 3-jaar sedert ons na Kanada verhuis het. Die rasionele deel van my brein sê dit moet soos ‘n lang tyd voel, maar as jy jou lewe in jou middel 30’s oor begin, is dit eintlik kort. In baie opsigte is ons regtig bevoorreg. Ons het goed by die gemeenskap ingeskakel, ons het wonderlike mense ontmoet, ons het stabiele beroepe, ons kinders vaar goed op skool, ons besit ‘n huis en geniet die voordele van ‘n klein-dorpie-leefstyl terdeë.

Ek is glad nie spyt oor ons besluit om ons lewens te ontwortel nie. Ons staan ferm by ons “waarom” en waardeer die lewenskwaliteit wat ons hier geniet. Maar Kanada is beslis nie perfek nie. Dit het ook uitdagings, en al leef ons beskermd in die platteland van Manitoba is ons baie bewys van wat in die nuus en op sosiale media die rondte doen. Ek voel egter dat ek Suid-Afrika om verskoning moet vra. Nie omdat ek dit agter gelaat het nie, maar omdat ek so gefokus was op die negatiewe aspekte van die land dat ek nie erkenning kon gee aan die goeie dele nie. Die besonderse dele. In my onderbewussyn het ek waarskynlik gevoel dat ek ons skuif moes regverdig. Om mense te laat verstaan dat ons lewens nie maklik was nie en dat dit wat in Suid-Afrika aan die gang is, nie normaal is nie. Om my te oortuig dat die uitdagings wat ek wel hier ervaar, steeds beter is as daar.

In Junie was ek gelukkig genoeg om vir die eerste keer in amper drie jaar in Suid-Afrika te kuier. Dit was nie ‘n “geniet die omgewing” vakansie nie – dit was ‘n “voel, ruik en geniet my geliefdes” vakansie. Dit het heelwat spaargeld gekos, maar ek was desperaat om my familie te sien. En dit was absoluut die moeite werd! Ek het stil-stil gereis sonder om dit te verkondig. Ek was suinig met my tyd en energie. Ek het soggens koffie in die bed gekry en my pa het my rondgery (hoofsaaklik omdat ek te bang was om te bestuur). Ons het my sussie en haar nuwe man gevier met die lieflikste troue in die winterson. My broer het selfs van Dubai gekom om die troue by te woon, so my moeder het al drie haar kinders onder een dak gehad vir ‘n aand. En die kos! Geurige disse, uitstekende plaaslike produkte (soos reuse, romerige avokado’s) en heerlike koffie. Ek is nie ‘n gedugte reisiger nie, maar tot dusver is my ervaring is dat niks vergelyk nie. Die mense is aangenaam en vriendelik. Ek het lekker geskerts met die apteker in Dischem (ek wens Kanada het Dischem gehad). Ek het ‘n goeie voorraad ACC en Corenza terug gebring. Ek kon bykans altyd ‘n Afrikaanse woord in ‘n gesprek laat glip, en almal het my verstaan.

Foto deur Evergreen Visuals

Feesmaal by die troue

Hoëveld-winters is gelyktydig aangenaam en aaklig. Ek het bedags op die stoep in die son gebak met kortmoue, tot die son begin sak. Almal assosieer Kanada met koue, maar Suid-Afrikaanse winters binnenshuis is ellendig. Weens die gebrek aan verhitting en insulasie, voel dit soos om in ‘n yskas te bly. Dankie tog vir elektriese komberse! Ek was gelukkig genoeg om beurtkrag in ons omgewing vry te spring tydens my besoek. Die voëllewe, selfs in die winter en die stad, is besonders. Ek het hard probeer om die hadedas se geskreeu in die bome af te neem, maar elke keer as ek die knoppie druk is hulle stil. Ek het ‘n nag by my sus in Johannesburg spandeer, waar die tuine en omgewing my laat voel het of ek in die bosveld is, nie in die besige stad nie.

Wintersonnetjie op die stoep

Johannesburg

Bederf

My ouers hou tans vakansie in die Suid- en Weskus en hulle deel gereeld foto’s van hulle ‘road trip’ van Pretoria af. Ek wens met my hele wese dat ek by hulle kon aanlsuit. Hulle ervaar beeldskone landskappe en wanneer ek my oë toemaak, kan ek die seewind van die Kaap op my gesig voel. Een van my gunsteling plekke, L'Agulhas, is nog net so asemrowend soos altyd. Ek hoop ek kan al hierdie plekke saam met my gesin verken as ons weer in Suid-Afrika kan kuier. Natuurlik ook ander plaaslike trekpleisters soos die Kruger Wildtuin. Selfs al woon jy in die stad, hoef jy nie ver te reis om wild soos olifante, kameelperde en zebra’s te sien nie. Ek mis dit.

Dit het nie gevoel asof ek vir amper drie jaar al weg is nie. Alles was so bekend. Dit het my egter nie lank geneem om te besef dat dit nie meer my huis is nie. Ek voel welkom, maar terselfdertyd soos ‘n legkaartstukkie wat net nie pas nie. 

Ek was gereed om na my manne en die prêrie terug te keur. Ek het na my terugkoms heelwat goeie dinge te sê oor Suid-Afrika. Dit het nie my negatiewe gevoelens verander of vervang nie, maar dit het my perspektief verander. In kort – vir my is Suid-Afrika ‘n fantastiese vakansiebestemming, maar ek wil persoonlik nie daar woon nie. Ons almal maak ongemaklike besluite ter wille van ons gesinne. Dit is nie behulpsaam of regverdig teenoor dié wat ons agter gelaat het om te fokus of uit te wys wat ons regtig nie van die land mis nie.

Uiteindelik was dit goed vir my om sluiting te kry. Meeste dae is ek dolgelukkig in Kanada. Sommige dae is moeilik en frustrerend. Ek betreur gereeld die ondersteuningsnetwerk wat ek agter gelaat het. Maar ek omhels die avontuur en geleenthede wat ons gegun word. Dit verdien erkenning vir die persoonlike groei wat ek sover daaruit gewin het.

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Perspective

September marked 3 years since we came to Canada. The rational part of my brain says it should feel like a long time, but when you start a new life in your mid-30s, it’s not long at all. In many ways we have been very fortunate. We’ve settled into the community well, we’ve met wonderful people, we have steady jobs, our kids are doing well in school, we own a house and are enjoying the benefits of small-town-living immensely.

I don’t regret our decision to uproot our lives. We stand firmly by our “why” and value the quality of life we have now. But Canada is not perfect. It has its own challenges for sure, and though we live a rather sheltered life in rural Manitoba we are very aware of what’s happening in the news and on social media.

I feel like I must apologise to South Africa though. Not because I left it behind, but because I was so stuck on the negative parts of the country that I wasn’t able to acknowledge the good parts. The great parts. Subconsciously I probably felt like I had to justify our decision to relocate. To make people understand that our lives wasn’t easy before and that what is going on in South Africa is not normal. To make me feel like whatever challenges I face here, are better than any I faced there.

In June I was lucky enough to travel back for the first time in almost three years. It wasn’t a “enjoy the country” visit, it was a “touch, smell and enjoy loved ones” trip. It took a lot of our savings to make the trip possible, but I was desperate to see my family. And it was so worth it! I didn’t broadcast my visit. I was stingy with my time and energy. I was served coffee in bed and dad was my chauffeur because I was too afraid to drive. We celebrated my sister and her husband with the loveliest wedding on a warm winter’s day. My brother even travelled from Dubai to attend, and my mom had all three her children under her roof for a night. And the food! Flavourful meals, excellent local produce (huge, buttery avocados) and great coffee. I am not well traveled, but from my experience nothing compares. The people are warm and friendly. I had a lovely banter with the pharmacist in Dischem (I wish Canada had a Dischem). I brought back a good stash of ACC and Corenza C. I could sneak an Afrikaans word into any conversation and was understood.

Photo: Evergreen Visuals

Wedding feast

Highveld winters are both great and terrible. I soaked up the sun in the garden in short sleeves, until the sun started to set. Everyone associates Canada with cold, but South African winters indoors are miserable. Due to the lack of heating and insulation, it’s like living in a fridge! Thank goodness for electric blankets. I was also lucky enough not to experience load shedding in our area during my visit. The birdlife, even during winter and in the city, is rather special. I tried my hardest to record the Hadedas screaming in the trees but every time I pressed record they would stop. I spent a night with my sister in Johannesburg and the lush gardens made me feel like I was in the bush, not the city.

Winter sun on the 'stoep'

Johannesburg

The best treat

My parents are currently on holiday in the South Coast and they have been sharing photos of their road trip from Pretoria. I wish with all my heart that I could join them. They are experiencing the most beautiful landscapes and when I close my eyes, I can feel the ocean breeze of the Cape on my face. One of my favourite places, L'Agulhas, is still as breathtaking as ever. I hope that the next time I visit, I can explore these places with my children, as well as some other authentic African experiences. Even living in the city, you don’t have to travel far to see wildlife like elephants, giraffes and zebras. I miss that.

It didn’t feel like I was away for almost three years. Everything was so familiar. But it didn’t take me long to realise that it isn’t my home any longer. I feel welcome, but out of place at the same time. Like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit.

I was ready to go back to my boys, and the prairies. I came back with lots of good things to say of South Africa. It didn’t change my negative feelings, but it did change my perspective. In short – South Africa is a wonderful holiday destination, but I personally don’t want to live there. We all make decisions we think are best for us and our families. It is not helpful or fair to the people we left behind for us to focus on and point out everything we really don’t miss about the country.

Ultimately it was good for to get closure. Most days, I love being in Canada. Some days are hard and frustrating. I mourn the support network I left behind often. But I embrace the adventure and opportunity we were given. And I have that to thank for all the personal growth I have gained from it.